The last couple of weeks have gone by like a blink of an eye. I have enjoyed every moment to the fullest. Today in the middle of the holiday of Sukkot, I am filled with gratitude that Hashem has kept me and protected me to this day. For this day I had longed in the times of trouble. For this day, I yearned relentlessly praying that the will inside of me, which is the will of the spirit, would cary me from grace to grace. I withstood the trials as I slowly surrendered myself to the will of my G-d in humility and love.
This holiday means joy for me, and I hope that everyone who taps into the charms of this holiday feels the same way. Could it be that the magic of ancient world continues to be present in our modern world, yet subtly hiding from revealing the depths that I long to understand. I feel the joy that is coming out from inside of me, and the joy that surrounds me. My time of joy has arrived. My answers have been answered. The life is difficult enough, and I choose not co complicate it. I chose life and not death. I chose prosperity and not misery. I chose myself and my G-d.
Beginning of this year, I was having a lot of trouble with my health. I thought that my end was nearing. Not so much as death, but my will to continue on pursuing my goals. I began to call my parents every morning before work and every evening after work. Through conversations with my parents, I was able to tap into the love and care they have for me. These conversations helped me go through my work days. While my mind and heart were calming down, my body was getting worse until one day I had enough. I had hit the rock bottom after thinking that I had already hit the rock bottom a year prior. This rock bottom was different. I was filled with a lot of will but my body was absolutely weak. It was so bad that at the age of twenty nine, I found myself unable to follow through washing my hair in the shower. I had resorted to take baths instead but soon noticed that no matter how much will I had inside, I was having trouble getting out of bath too. So on the day of my rockbottom, it was a Friday, a week after I had on and off fever for eight days. I sat on the chair completely bent with my hands clenched and my neck hanging forward as if my neck muscles had lost all their strength. It frightened me.
I rested the entire weekend. With renewed strength, I got myself ready for work on Monday morning. I had no idea that my life was going to change again. Between 9am and 10am I managed to do so many items, I was shocked. And then at that moment I remembered the conversation with a friend who had said to me, “Don’t be a chicken!” Within ten minutes, I prepared a resignation letter and resigned. Before I resigned, I wrote chicken on my left palm as a reminder to not to chicken out while my feet took me up a floor. My mind was racing and coming up with excuses to say instead of revealing my desire to resign. I had followed through.
Most of May, I spent resting and began a journey that caused me to evolve to a new level of myself. The journey began with an inquiry to a local boutique gym that eventually turned into a set date for an interview.
Five months later, I have realized my goals I had set for myself before my first workout and am continuing on my life’s journey. Throughout these months, I found strength in my inner child through the memories of my beautiful childhood. The people that we love are the most important to us and should be always prioritized. That I knew, but what I truly learned through my experience so far is that in the times of trouble, we should always surround ourselves with people who love us and care for us. To take it a level higher, I learned that if I desire the love and care of the people I love, then I first should show love and care. I began 5780 with a new light and a harmonious joy that I intend to carry with me not only for the rest of this year but for the rest of my life. I pray that every Sukkot I greet with joy and that each year I renew my spirit achieving a new level of spirituality. And for this too, I am overflowing with gratitude.
Lana Curdoglo 