There are many wonderful parts of my life that I have absolute gratitude for. Unfortunately, there are times where due to lack of sleep or occasional tiredness, I feel that I should have more gratitude. These times make me sad, and I find myself questioning deeper thoughts in my mind. What possibly causes an occasional lack of gratitude or complaining?
I decided to take this question and analyze as to why I feel the way I feel when I am less thankful. The best way for me to understand myself has always been through writing, so I decided to write about things I am grateful for and things I am not. So far, my goal is to take some time every Monday evening and jot down exactly what I think on that particular Monday evening and share here on my blog. Perhaps this can be helpful to your my dear readers.
Today, I am writing bout my life living close to the beach. I am absolutely grateful that for the past year and a half I have been living a block away from the beach. Throughout this time, I have enjoyed countless of miles of walks at the beach, met amazing new people, learned about SoCal and its people, swam in the ocean, tanned, rode my bikes, fell asleep to the sound of waves, captured and shared dozens of photographs and videos with friends and family, listen to the sound of amazing storms, and yet I still feel sad at times. When my sad moments go away, I am left wondering as to how come I am not grateful for those moments as well, for during those moments is when I notice and see the most inner growth? Maybe because I want everything to be absolutely perfect or maybe I like to be in control? It is a journey for me to discover the answers to my many whys by acceptive negative times in life and turning them into positive.
My favorite moment at the beach so far has been one particular evening during Fall of 2019. I would describe it as the perfect evening I would like to have in solitude while listening to the sounds and lack of sounds around me. Below is a quick memo I wrote about it on that evening:
“This evening is the most beautiful evening. The beach is still. It is not warm, and it is not cold. I’m wearing a cozy-thin sweater and the wind is playing with my hair. The ocean is calmer than the voice of the leaves caused by the breeze. Sand is warm and inviting. Smoky air has been cleared, and the view of the pier is dazzling. I close my eyes and invite Hashem for company. The stars are dim but show themselves. There is a man playing on guitar creating a harmonious vibe. My soul is at peace, and my heart is full of love. Airplanes pass over my head and the whole universe is inside of me. I tap into the spiritual world inviting the paradise for eternity. My faith is like a precious ring on my finger gifted to me by my mother. My hope is like my heart beating never stopping. With every beat reminding me that it’s there, I remember that there is future. My whole life is the life of light..”
Do you every feel sad even though everything is on track?