Washington DC | June 12, 2022 | 13 Sivan 5782
G-d willing, we are here and the world has not faltered to this day.
Years back, I went through a time in my life when I addressed an injury that lingered all the way from my teen years. It was that time that I was fully prepared financially and mentally to address my physical health and to complete that journey of fixing my gum health. Since the process took me longer than twenty-four months, I needed something to occupy my mind. Back then, I had no idea how much mental support I had required from myself to go through the days that seemed to never come to an end. I now realize what pushed me to make the decisions I had made all of those years ago as I reminisce about the past and learn to focus on what is important to me from today onwards.
At the beginning of my treatment, I decided that learning to play violin would be a great addition to my stressful work along with the healing process. I researched and found a remarkable teacher. I attended lessons and soon learned how difficult it is for adults to learn something from scratch. If only I had been five, perhaps I would have developed a deep desire to play. Instead, it was a time in my life that I needed to occupy myself away from everything else while facing myself and my own reality. There was a moment when I truly accelerated to a point where I thought going back was no way, but it happened when my treatment had come to a conclusion, and I no longer had the mental capacity to stay in the same city.
When I moved, I had planned to continue to play and learn as much as my time allowed. However as with certain goals we plan, sometimes something else takes precedence. The beautiful place that I lived by the beach was just that. It was a beautiful place that did not allow me to play. I was devastated, and my devastation turned into a big disappointment. I now realize that everything was for the best. As happy as I was to continue to play violin, there were many other things that brought me enormous amounts of joy. My time and my mental resilience were being stretched too thin and something had to change because my grip on playing violin was too strong.
The next couple of years, I proceeded in refining what was important to me. At times, I focused on one item more than the other in order to narrow down what truly mattered to me. Ultimately I got rid of everything, and I remained with only my Torah, my health and my work. When I had moved across the country, my Chumash came along with me in the car. If I were to lose everything, my Torah, I did not want to lose. During the refining time, I have unloaded many things that no longer served me as an individual. Violin, though, continued to move along with me until today even though it was tucked away for the past two years.
The time was set for this year, this week, today in the afternoon when I finally gave away my violin. I am more defined at this moment than I was this morning. My life’s journey has gotten a lot lighter today than it was yesterday or the day before yesterday. I am happy to know that with my narrowed focus, I can devote more time to build a strong and lasting fortress of who I am, unfaltered even at the moment of my last breath. Today’s actions gladdened my heart and made me smile.
As I walk on my amazing life path, I will continue to refine my inner self. There can never be a moment when I should stop learning and refining myself. Every moment is a lesson and inspiration. Every experience is a new revelation. Every path is a grace from grace. Every definition causes the light in me to shine brighter. Every day is a fresh breath, and every morning is a new beginning.
For all of your new beginnings, may light shine upon you my readers.